And I am pumped to kick off my sensible shoes, throw out the pantyhose and lock my "business" attire up in some hidden closet.
I can't even explain how excited I am that my new job allows me to wear yoga pants to work!
It is a dream come true.
Now that I am reflecting on my past 1.5 years here and my 3 years at another "corporate-style" company, I have identified some MAJOR problems with the way these places handle things.
To start off:
WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY COFFEE?
I feel like I have brewed 1000 pots of coffee in my 550 (some-odd) days here... and yet every single time I go up to our "coffee station" the pot is empty. bone dry.
or even worse-- some selfish co-worker has sucked it down to the last few drops and were not polite enough to make more. Hence, tricking me into thinking there is some hot caffination waiting for me... when my hopes and dreams are shattered to see that last of the pot barely equals a half-a-cup.
(This happened to me this VERY morning. on my last day. Hence why it has taken the top spot in my rant. fresh feelings)
Next up,
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A TECHNOLOGICAL ISSUE UP IN THIS PLACE?
Our company is currently owned by one of the richest men in America-- he owns DOZENS of companies and has countless employees across the country (and probably around the world)...
SO why is it that we can't get some proper STINKIN' equipment
Something is always broke.
Phones. Internet. Email. Printer. Copier. Printer, Email & Copier.
Excuse me Mr. Bossman-- but if you want people to do their jobs mayyyybee they need functioning equipment.
Just a pointer.
Man-to-Man.
Thirdly...
WHY IS THE OFFICE ALWAYS LIKE A GROWN UP VERSION OF HIGH SCHOOL?
There are the popular kids who everyone wants to go to lunch with.
There are the numbers nerds who generally hang out together and talk about research and data together. (you know who I'm talking about... don't you?)
There is the office gossip who always seems to know (and WANT to know) everything.(ps- thats me)
then... There is the office tattle-tale who is super annoying and once they get a hold of any good/juicy rumors (true or false) they immediately go and gossip with management about it.
And... There are the laid back people who are super chill and you just know they are "toking" on their lunch breaks but you don't bring it up because you don't wanna be a narc.
(just to name a few)
I didn't really like this structure in High School... but that was because I was a weird looking, sporty dork.
Now, the tables have turned-- so I enjoy it much more. The Grass is, in fact, greener on the other side.
Just sayin'
Fourth...
WHY IS EVERYONE SO DAMN LAZY?
I have literally seen a co-worker make her "support person" stand next to her desk while they listen to her voice mails on speaker phone and take notes...
I have seen a co-worker CALL another person and ask them to print something off for them-- that they could have easily accessed on their computer and printed themselves... and it would have taken LESS TIME!
You get a pay check to complete a list of tasks-- if you have enough time to do it yourself, just freakin' do it! (Unless you pay an ACTUAL assistant-- in which case their job is kind of to do whatever you want... so that's their fault for taking the job)
And... Finally...
WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY FUN?
I think my least favorite part of Corporate America is the lack of fun.
Some days I come in to my office and its cold, and silent and all you can hear is people typing.
click click click clickclickclickclick
Super creepy. Like a horror movie about computers coming alive and brainwashing everyone.
I have been called the life of the party MULTIPLE times! (especially when it comes to the office)
and I've even had co-workers say "It is going to be so boring when you leave"...
But, to me, that is just a sad statement?
Am I really the only fun person in this ENTIRE office? Am I the only one who can crack a joke at the appropriate (and inappropriate) times?
I think the pantyhose has some other office mates feeling a bit strangled.
Let loose, people.
Work doesn't have to be boring and slow and awful.
I actually enjoy coming to work mostly because I love being able to chat and joke with my coworkers... while also being productive. I'm a multi-tasker. What can I say?
Well, farewell Corporate America.
You have treated me well but I am looking forward to no longer having a "business" dress code, morning meetings, sales quotas and corporate visitors.
Now, I'm off to greener pastures.
Proudly wearing my yoga pants.
With Love,
J.
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