Farewell Corporate America

Today is my last day in Corporate America-- at least for the foreseeable future.
And I am pumped to kick off my sensible shoes, throw out the pantyhose and lock my "business" attire up in some hidden closet.
I can't even explain how excited I am that my new job allows me to wear yoga pants to work! 
It is a dream come true.

Now that I am reflecting on my past 1.5 years here and my 3 years at another "corporate-style" company, I have identified some MAJOR problems with the way these places handle things.

To start off:
WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY COFFEE?
I feel like I have brewed 1000 pots of coffee in my 550 (some-odd) days here...  and yet every single time I go up to our "coffee station" the pot is empty. bone dry.
or even worse-- some selfish co-worker has sucked it down to the last few drops and were not polite enough to make more. Hence, tricking me into thinking there is some hot caffination waiting for me... when my hopes and dreams are shattered to see that last of the pot barely equals a half-a-cup.
(This happened to me this VERY morning. on my last day. Hence why it has taken the top spot in my rant. fresh feelings)

Next up,
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A TECHNOLOGICAL ISSUE UP IN THIS PLACE?
Our company is currently owned by one of the richest men in America-- he owns DOZENS of companies and has countless employees across the country (and probably around the world)...
SO why is it that we can't get some proper STINKIN' equipment
Something is always broke.
Phones. Internet. Email. Printer. Copier. Printer, Email & Copier.
Excuse me Mr. Bossman-- but if you want people to do their jobs mayyyybee they need functioning equipment.
Just a pointer.
Man-to-Man.

Thirdly...
WHY IS THE OFFICE ALWAYS LIKE A GROWN UP VERSION OF HIGH SCHOOL?
There are the popular kids who everyone wants to go to lunch with.
There are the numbers nerds who generally hang out together and talk about research and data together. (you know who I'm talking about... don't you?)
There is the office gossip who always seems to know (and WANT to know) everything.(ps- thats me)
then... There is the office tattle-tale who is super annoying and once they get a hold of any good/juicy rumors (true or false) they immediately go and gossip with management about it.
And... There are the laid back people who are super chill and you just know they are "toking" on their lunch breaks but you don't bring it up because you don't wanna be a narc.
(just to name a few)
I didn't really like this structure in High School... but that was because I was a weird looking, sporty dork.
Now, the tables have turned-- so I enjoy it much more. The Grass is, in fact, greener on the other side.
Just sayin'

Fourth...
WHY IS EVERYONE SO DAMN LAZY?
I have literally seen a co-worker make her "support person" stand next to her desk while they listen to her voice mails on speaker phone and take notes...
I have seen a co-worker CALL another person and ask them to print something off for them-- that they could have easily accessed on their computer and printed themselves... and it would have taken LESS TIME!

You get a pay check to complete a list of tasks-- if you have enough time to do it yourself, just freakin' do it! (Unless you pay an ACTUAL assistant-- in which case their job is kind of to do whatever you want... so that's their fault for taking the job)

And... Finally...
WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY FUN?
I think my least favorite part of Corporate America is the lack of fun.
Some days I come in to my office and its cold, and silent and all you can hear is people typing.
click click click clickclickclickclick
Super creepy. Like a horror movie about computers coming alive and brainwashing everyone.
I have been called the life of the party MULTIPLE times! (especially when it comes to the office)
and I've even had co-workers say "It is going to be so boring when you leave"...
But, to me, that is just a sad statement?
Am I really the only fun person in this ENTIRE office? Am I the only one who can crack a joke at the appropriate (and inappropriate) times?
I think the pantyhose has some other office mates feeling a bit strangled.
Let loose, people.
Work doesn't have to be boring and slow and awful.
I actually enjoy coming to work mostly because I love being able to chat and joke with my coworkers... while also being productive. I'm a multi-tasker. What can I say?

Well, farewell Corporate America.
You have treated me well but I am looking forward to no longer having a "business" dress code, morning meetings, sales quotas and corporate visitors.
Now, I'm off to greener pastures.
Proudly wearing my yoga pants.

With Love, 
J.

What it really means to be Southern

I can't even tell you how many times someone has told me to start a blog.
Generally, I just pass it off as a polite way of getting me to shut up and go away but apparently... I was wrong. (Despite what I tell my husband... this HAS happened before)

For years I toyed with the idea of writing a blog. 

I mean... I tend to find my thoughts and interests fascinating and others seem to find me humorous—is there a better combo when it comes to a Blogger? I think not! -- Except for the fact that I am INFAMOUS for starting things that I never finish. Hence my short lived violin career, the time I tried to work at Victoria’s Secret, and that week that I swore I was going to teach myself to love running. Okay, it was 3 days – but at least I thought about it. I’m convinced that in the end the thought will actually help. Like, just because running crossed my mind back in 2012 it means I am less likely to die from some “poor-health” related affliction.

Oh, and did I mention I get off topic easily?

**And as a forewarning of those of you testing my Blogging chops by test reading this little entry—it took me three tries to write that paragraph without the F word. I like to curse. It happens. I will try to control it as best I can but sometimes there just is no substitute for a well place 4-letter expletive. And no one said this thing had to be family friendly, right?

(getting myself back on track... shiny objects... music playing.. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"... Focus! Focus, Joanna!!)

Now that my life (and my career) have taken yet another turn -- I thought "What's stopping you, Joanna?" (and yes, I speak to myself in the 3rd person. I find it motivating and somewhat soothing)
So. Here we go.
Let's start with something simple... a little something about Me! (My husband will likely disagree with me classifying myself as "simple" -- but I really don't think I'm that complicated.)
And an insight into why I chose to name this blog "Down South Sass"

My name is Joanna-- as most, if not all of you know.
I grew up in Southwest Virginia. (I won't give details just in case one of you is a psycho stalker.)
I learned everything there. How to ride a bike. How to break the rules. How to break the rules and not get caught. How to get out of trouble when you get caught breaking the rules.
Lets just say I had a well educated upbringing.

But the most important thing I learned there is the true meaning of being "Southern"
It is not just about the "ma'am" and the "y'all"-- and forget about the cowboy boots and 10-gallon hats. If someone owns one of those and DOESN'T live on a farm or ranch... then they just want to APPEAR Southern. I'm not hating. I own some CUTE ASS cowgirl boots but I don't pretend that those make me Southern.
Being Southern means you're real.
Real Sassy.
Real Bitchy.
Real Classy.
Real Drunk....
but always real.
People may not like it or agree with it. But... Who Cares?
What you see (in my case, what you hear) is what you get!

Don't get me wrong-- being Southern does NOT give you an excuse to be rude or hateful.
(Although, I have been called both)
It's still involves having manners and saying "Please" "Thank You" and "Bless Your Heart"-- but it has nothing to do with where you grew up, the number of Alabama Football games you've been to, or whether or not your great-great-grandfather fought for the South in the Civil War. (Newsflash! They lost! Its nothing to brag about!)

The whole point of this rant (and eventual History lesson) is that everyone can learn a little bit from us Southerners.
Why would you want to live your life being anything other than real?
Don't live each day to please other people or make other people happy. It is YOUR life! And at the end of it, you can either look back and smile at the fact that you lived it fully and made yourself happy... OR you can have regrets.
"I wish I had told him/her how I feel!"
"I wish I had gone to (fill in the blank) when I had the chance!"
Should've. Could've. Would've.
Believe me. That's not how I plan to look back on my life and you shouldn't either.
So be Real. Whatever that means to you. It is your choice and your life.

With Love, 
J.

Stay Tuned:
For more of my thoughts, ideas and general life lessons.
Shoot me some comments if you have any ideas or want me to comment on something in particular. I'm easily persuaded.