They usually last a few days… sometimes less if it is exercise related.
But this year I took a new approach.
Instead of focusing on the small things, I decided to approach 2015 with a broader perspective-- the Bigger Picture, if you will.
This year I want to be Happier with Myself.
This isn't some debbie-downer, "I hate myself" diatribe. Don't get me wrong-- I actually have a very high opinion of myself. Some might think its a little inflated but screw you.
But every single person can tell you there are things in their lives that they wish they could change and certain things that might make them happier.
So.. here we go… Things I plan to change in 2015 to make me happier...
1) Don't talk shit about myself.
Due to a somewhat checkered past (which I will likely divulge more into in a later post)… I spent the majority of my young adulthood being very… I'm not really sure how to describe it. Very… still looking for the right word…. Self conscious? invisible? damaged?
I have since grown out of those qualities… something my mother wishes had never happened because I took the jump to the extreme. Lets just say this "change" is where I adopted my beloved biting sense of humor and lovable sarcasm. (please note the sarcasm… mom) I admit-- I can be a little harsh. Hence why being "nicer" is next on this list…
Anyway… the moral of the story is… if you think I'm mean to other people (mean in the most loving way possible in most cases) then you should see how mean I can be to myself. I am my own worst critic and since having a baby I have been pretty hard on myself. Which I have learned does NOT motivate me one bit.. hence, the resolution.
Every time I catch myself being self-critical I am going to remind myself of all of my (many) blessings and try to make those more important than my flaws. no matter how many there are…
2) Be Nicer.
Like I said, growing up wasn't easy for me.
I was 6 feet tall at age 13. okay, maybe 14.
I wasn't skinny. Never really have been. I have large hips and ass and small boobs. Its genetic, I know, but it wasn't really getting me lots of positive attention. I think it sparked more "man" jokes than anything--- Jo-man-na. still stings a little.
I had awkwardly large eyes that weren't really proportional to my face for a long time. My nickname was Furby. And that damn furry creature still haunts me to this day.
I had frizzy hair that was somewhere between wavy and curly and I had no clue what to do with it. Plus, my mom took us to Cost Cutters to get our hair done so I wasn't really getting any professional advice at that point.
I was an athlete so I dressed down a lot.
Basically.. I was a tom boy without ever wanting to be.This is not an excuse. It is an explanation.
Somewhere deep down was a confident, girly girl but I never knew how to bring that out.
When I left for college I decided I didn't want to be these things anymore. I wanted to be pretty and I wanted boys to like me and I wanted people to really see me. Somehow that developed into my mostly funny, sometimes hurtful sense of humor.
I'm extremely sensitive so when I was teased growing up I would cry. Sometimes instantly. Sometimes to my mom when I got home. But over the years I learned that it hurt a whole hell of a lot less if I made fun of myself. So I did.
And then after a while I started making fun of other people-- but I truly meant it as a light-hearted joke. Over the years I admit some of those jokes weren't funny but mean and I regret that because I never mean to hurt anyone.
So in 2015 when I find myself stewing with sarcastic or caddy remarks -- I will count to 3 and remember that those words can hurt … even if they are meant light-heartedly.
Its a work in progress --- so don't go calling me out during one of my funny rants-- you'll throw off my vibe.
3) Wear Less Make-up.
If you know me, you know this is no joke.
Up until now, I have felt extremely uncomfortable going anywhere without make-up.
I just have never been comfortable enough with my skin and my face, in general, to go out without at least a LITTLE assistance. I feel naked. I'd actually rather not wear a bra or underwear. In fact, I've gone without those things that MORE times than I've gone without make-up. TMI? my B.
But I realize now that I'm 26 years old. My skin is NEVER going to look better than it does now. So now is the time to make a change.
I plan to participate in #NoMakeUpMondays -- I just invented it.
Today is the first day. I plan to go to work (and wherever) on Monday with as LITTLE make-up as I feel comfortable with.
Today, for example, I am only wearing Tinted Moisturizer (Supergoop! CC Cream-- check it out! Its like skin crack!), Mascara, Brow Gel and Lip Gloss/Tint.
 |
| That's Me! Without make-up. Sheesh. |
It was a struggle leaving my house this morning-- admittedly 10 minutes late. I kept going back to my bathroom mirror and looking to see what else I needed but I had to keep stepping away.
Put your hands above your head and back away!
I feel slightly liberated… and I admit it will cut about 20 minutes off my morning routine every Monday from now on… but I am not totally comfortable. I'm waiting for someone to ask me if I'm tired.
4) Be On Time.
Ok. This is really my fault but it is also genetic.
When I was younger my Dad was late for EVERYTHING. We used to tell him my after school program ended at 5-- and it actually ended at 5:30-- and I was STILL always the last kid to get picked up. No shade. I'm over it. But I promised that I would never be late because it was so annoying.
Anyways… for the majority of my young adulthood I adhered to my promise. In fact, I was actually early for almost everything -- which is good.
Somehow in my adulthood my mentality got twisted… unconsciously. I now have an altered sense of "time and space" where when I need to be somewhere at a certain time I never consider travel time. So, if I have to be at work at 9, then I feel confident in my ability to leave my house at 8:55am. Or if we have dinner at 7, don't be surprised if my ass is jumping in my car at 6:50 texting you to tell you I'm "halfway there!". Lies! All Lies!
And having a baby/child only exacerbates this issue ten-fold. Now, not only do I have to get myself ready and out the door-- I have to get a baby ready as well: changed, fed, clothed, in the car seat with a fully stocked baby bag. That adds another at LEAST 20 minutes to my routine. Hence why I am now 30 minutes late for everything.
So. From now on, I promise to be more respectful of my time and everyone else's and make attempts to be somewhere ON TIME. if not 5 minutes early. (As my old volleyball coach used to say, "If you're on time, you're late.")
5) Lastly, Do Something Every Day that makes me smile.
Ok. I can cheat on this one very easily but I promise to try not to. My baby alone makes me smile so I won't count her unlimited cuteness as this "Resolution"---
Instead, I plan to do something-- actually put effort into something each and every day that makes me smile.
This blog, for example, makes me smile because I love being able to express my thoughts and share my ideas with the world. Well, my world at least.
I also love saving money, pampering myself in some way (it could just be a mask at home or a quick toenail polish change), a good bath, some new jams on my iPhone, and sometimes-- a nice dose of retail therapy. Although, I promise to limit those retail therapy trips… You hear that, Husband?
I just think if I can go to bed at night knowing that I was genuinely happy-- even if just for a few minutes-- then I will know that day meant something and is one more step on my Happiness Journey.
Anyways,
Thanks for listening.
I promise to keep you all updated on my progress as the year goes on.
I will likely have to come back to this post multiple times to remind myself of exactly what I promised to do but hopefully my loving friends, family and blog readers will hold me accountable. Just not TOO accountable, okay? I am human. Although I do have the hair of a goddess.
With Love,
J.
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