Lazy.
Flaky.
Spacey.
Kevin Spacey.
But… my unfortunate delay in posting the past week is simple and clear…
I was drunk.
(Hahaha just kidding.)
The Holidays get me every year.
That's why I send out my Christmas cards at the end of November and my Thank You notes NEVER get out before mid-January.
Its like a big party followed by one massive hangover.
Let me explain...
First, there is the early December drag:
This occurs the first week or so of December, when things at work start to slow down.
The Type-A people around the world use this slow-down to get a head-start:
These are the people who actually went shopping on Thanksgiving AND Black Friday. They buy all of their presents early so they can be wrapped under the tree for no less than 5 weeks.
Speaking of trees....yes! There is already a tree! Its been in the living room since the weekend after Thanksgiving (sometimes earlier). It was decorated in less than 24 hours and there is "greenery" placed on any and every flat surface in your home that isn't moving. They probably even tackled the outdoor lights because heaven forbid your home doesn't look like a Christmas tree on the inside AND outside!
My life doesn't usually go this way.... Shocker...We usually end up buying a tree about 2 weeks into December. My husband insists on getting a live one. Yipee!... (please note my sarcasm...)
It takes us usually about 12 days to finish the tree...
That includes the 2-3 days it takes my husband to move the tree inside (Last year he left it outside so long it died... we had to get a 2nd tree. Yipee!)... Then 3 days later we put lights up.... 2 days later I put the ribbon on it... and 3 days after that we finally get around to hanging ornaments.
And yes, world. I wrap all of my presents on Christmas Eve.
"Why?"
Because I generally don't buy them until the day before Christmas Eve.
Don't hate. I'm a procrastinator when it comes to shopping. Like... if it were acceptable... everyone would get their gifts from me in January. Or February. Or for their birthday....
Second, there is the ACTUAL Holiday:
From about December 20th on... don't count on anything being simple, fast or easy. Because guess what?--- the ENTIRE WORLD (or country... or whatever) has checked out!
Don't get me wrong--- they are usually still running around like chickens with their heads cut off... but they aren't busy with work... nope.
They are running errands, cleaning their house for company, cleaning their cars for road trips, getting gas, running to-and-from the grocery store... every.single.day.
But... The "Holiday Season" has begun and that means the entire world has basically hit the slow motion video button on my iPhone.
Like it is impossible for people to put out any more energy until the New Year...
when apparently a magic reset button makes everyone happy, healthy and productive again.
Third, The First Stage of the Holiday Hangover:
This is a big one. On December 25th-- at about 4:00 pm-- when the family is gone and the food has been devoured... There is this creepy calm. And then... BOOM! Hangover.
Not only do you have to clean 100000000000 dishes from Christmas brunch/lunch/dinner but you have to clean up the living room-- which has now become a graveyard for wrapping paper, boxes and gift packaging. It is everywhere.
THEN you have to figure out where to put all this SHIT. (We literally have an entire Babies-R-Us aisle in our living room... and I'm actually running out of space in CD's closet. And it is bigger than mine!)
If you manage to finish all of this before December 26th... you're lucky.
But then comes the really sucky part....
Having to go back to work and return to your normal -- once productive--- life for 3-4 days.
Are you serious!?!?
I just spent 4 days in my pajamas opening presents, drinking, and eating a disgusting (I mean appalling) amount of food. And NOW you expect me to put back on my work clothes that no longer fit (thank GOD for Maternity pants!!) and sit at my office pretending to do work for 3-4 days ... Just so I can do it all over again on New Year's.
The Answer is NO!
Finally, New Year & New You:
Whether you "work" on New Year's Eve or not--- once 5:00pm hits its like you just got out of school for summer. Time to get all "dolled-up" and hit the town with your besties.
OR... in parent world...
You cook dinner, go about your normal nightly routine -- praying the baby doesn't stay up past her bedtime-- and then you fall asleep on your couch holding a glass of champagne, wearing some ridiculous hat -- because you and your "significant other" pretended you were going to stay up until the ball drops. Not. Gonna. Happen.
Once the house is quiet and the baby is asleep its only a matter of time til my eyelids drop. permanently.
Then... you wake up feeling either ACTUALLY hungover... or somehow refreshed and renewed. Like your body and mind somehow reset and you're a new person.
NEWSFLASH. You are unfortunately still the same person you were 8 hours ago. Nothing changed. There is no magic "New Year" reset. The only thing that changed is possibly your blood alcohol level. Sorry to break it to you.
The celebrating is over.
No more paid Holidays at work until Memorial Day. (which is in May... are you depressed now?)
Well since you're already depressed....
Now its time to make unrealistic goals for yourself for the new year.
"Why?" -- you ask
Well because you don't feel bad enough about yourself... why not sit around for a few days examining ALL of your flaws and try to find ways to improve yourself.
"It worked out SO WELL for you last year didn't it?"
Wait... your resolution last year was to quit drinking, smoking, and lose 25 lbs-- and you didn't do it? Well at least you have THIS YEAR to let yourself down again.
I'm a little more realistic with my goals for 2015:
1) Don't Die.
2) Keep my child alive and in one piece.
Done!
- I'm not going to lose weight ... so why lie to myself? Its actually more likely that I'm going to gain weight. Eh. I like to eat.
- I'm not going to join a gym and get healthy because ... I'm broke.
- I'm not going to quit drinking because I like it...
and because my friends are really good at peer pressure so it wouldn't last more than 3 days.
(Why 3 days, you ask? because all of my (and my husband's) college friends are coming into town for a post-New Year's/Birthday party Downtown and I already promised to quote, "pop bottles" The babysitter is already lined up so this is officially Mama's First (full)Night Out since CD was born. I'm already planning on throwing up somewhere public! Happy Birthday, G! )
And why is it that everyone waits until New Year to make a change?
Find the thing that makes you happy and DO IT!
If you hate your job, find a new one.
If you're overweight or just unhappy with your body quit eating junk. (easier said than done, I know)
Don't wait until the New Year to make things better for you and your loved ones.
Just DO IT!
It is simple.
A New Year is just a perfect opportunity to make those changes-- but it doesn't matter if you start on a Monday, the 1st of the Month or even TOMORROW.
Sit down and find out what is going to make you a happier person. Then go DO IT.
Simple. and Sweet.
Oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
With Love,
J.
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