A New Approach to New Year's Resolutions

I'm not the "Resolution" type… and by that I mean, I never follow through on my "Resolutions"

They usually last a few days… sometimes less if it is exercise related.

But this year I took a new approach.

Instead of focusing on the small things, I decided to approach 2015 with a broader perspective-- the Bigger Picture, if you will.

This year I want to be Happier with Myself.

This isn't some debbie-downer, "I hate myself" diatribe. Don't get me wrong-- I actually have a very high opinion of myself. Some might think its a little inflated but screw you.

But every single person can tell you there are things in their lives that they wish they could change and certain things that might make them happier. 

So.. here we go… Things I plan to change in 2015 to make me happier...

1) Don't talk shit about myself.

Due to a somewhat checkered past (which I will likely divulge more into in a later post)… I spent the majority of my young adulthood being very… I'm not really sure how to describe it. Very… still looking for the right word…. Self conscious? invisible? damaged?

I have since grown out of those qualities… something my mother wishes had never happened because I took the jump to the extreme. Lets just say this "change" is where I adopted my beloved biting sense of humor and lovable sarcasm. (please note the sarcasm… mom) I admit-- I can be a little harsh. Hence why being "nicer" is next on this list…

Anyway… the moral of the story is… if you think I'm mean to other people (mean in the most loving way possible in most cases) then you should see how mean I can be to myself. I am my own worst critic and since having a baby I have been pretty hard on myself. Which I have learned does NOT motivate me one bit.. hence, the resolution.

Every time I catch myself being self-critical I am going to remind myself of all of my (many) blessings and try to make those more important than my flaws. no matter how many there are…

2) Be Nicer.

Like I said, growing up wasn't easy for me. 

I was 6 feet tall at age 13. okay, maybe 14.  

I wasn't skinny. Never really have been. I have large hips and ass and small boobs. Its genetic, I know, but it wasn't really getting me lots of positive attention. I think it sparked more "man" jokes than anything--- Jo-man-na. still stings a little. 

I had awkwardly large eyes that weren't really proportional to my face for a long time. My nickname was Furby. And that damn furry creature still haunts me to this day. 

I had frizzy hair that was somewhere between wavy and curly and I had no clue what to do with it. Plus, my mom took us to Cost Cutters to get our hair done so I wasn't really getting any professional advice at that point. 

I was an athlete so I dressed down a lot.  

Basically.. I was a tom boy without ever wanting to be.
Somewhere deep down was a confident, girly girl but I never knew how to bring that out.

This is not an excuse. It is an explanation.
When I left for college I decided I didn't want to be these things anymore. I wanted to be pretty and I wanted boys to like me and I wanted people to really see me. Somehow that developed into my mostly funny, sometimes hurtful sense of humor.
I'm extremely sensitive so when I was teased growing up I would cry. Sometimes instantly. Sometimes to my mom when I got home. But over the years I learned that it hurt a whole hell of a lot less if I made fun of myself. So I did.
And then after a while I started making fun of other people-- but I truly meant it as a light-hearted joke. Over the years I admit some of those jokes weren't funny but mean and I regret that because I never mean to hurt anyone.
So in 2015 when I find myself stewing with sarcastic or caddy remarks -- I will count to 3 and remember that those words can hurt … even if they are meant light-heartedly.
Its a work in progress --- so don't go calling me out during one of my funny rants-- you'll throw off my vibe.

3) Wear Less Make-up.

If you know me, you know this is no joke.

Up until now, I have felt extremely uncomfortable going anywhere without make-up. 

I just have never been comfortable enough with my skin and my face, in general, to go out without at least a LITTLE assistance. I feel naked. I'd actually rather not wear a bra or underwear. In fact, I've gone without those things that MORE times than I've gone without make-up. TMI? my B.

But I realize now that I'm 26 years old. My skin is NEVER going to look better than it does now. So now is the time to make a change.

I plan to participate in #NoMakeUpMondays -- I just invented it.

Today is the first day. I plan to go to work (and wherever) on Monday with as LITTLE make-up as I feel comfortable with.

Today, for example, I am only wearing Tinted Moisturizer (Supergoop! CC Cream-- check it out! Its like skin crack!), Mascara, Brow Gel and Lip Gloss/Tint. 

That's Me! Without make-up. Sheesh.

It was a struggle leaving my house this morning-- admittedly 10 minutes late. I kept going back to my bathroom mirror and looking to see what else I needed but I had to keep stepping away. 

Put your hands above your head and back away!

I feel slightly liberated… and I admit it will cut about 20 minutes off my morning routine every Monday from now on… but I am not totally comfortable. I'm waiting for someone to ask me if I'm tired.

4) Be On Time.

Ok. This is really my fault but it is also genetic.

When I was younger my Dad was late for EVERYTHING. We used to tell him my after school program ended at 5-- and it actually ended at 5:30-- and I was STILL always the last kid to get picked up. No shade. I'm over it. But I promised that I would never be late because it was so annoying.

Anyways… for the majority of my young adulthood I adhered to my promise. In fact, I was actually early for almost everything -- which is good.

Somehow in my adulthood my mentality got twisted… unconsciously. I now have an altered sense of "time and space" where when I need to be somewhere at a certain time I never consider travel time. So, if I have to be at work at 9, then I feel confident in my ability to leave my house at 8:55am. Or if we have dinner at 7, don't be surprised if my ass is jumping in my car at 6:50 texting you to tell you I'm "halfway there!". Lies! All Lies!

And having a baby/child only exacerbates this issue ten-fold. Now, not only do I have to get myself ready and out the door-- I have to get a baby ready as well: changed, fed, clothed, in the car seat with a fully stocked baby bag. That adds another at LEAST 20 minutes to my routine. Hence why I am now 30 minutes late for everything.

So. From now on, I promise to be more respectful of my time and everyone else's and make attempts to be somewhere ON TIME. if not 5 minutes early. (As my old volleyball coach used to say, "If you're on time, you're late.")

5) Lastly, Do Something Every Day that makes me smile.

Ok. I can cheat on this one very easily but I promise to try not to. My baby alone makes me smile so I won't count her unlimited cuteness as this "Resolution"---

Instead, I plan to do something-- actually put effort into something each and every day that makes me smile.

This blog, for example, makes me smile because I love being able to express my thoughts and share my ideas with the world. Well, my world at least.

I also love saving money, pampering myself in some way (it could just be a mask at home or a quick toenail polish change), a good bath, some new jams on my iPhone, and sometimes-- a nice dose of retail therapy. Although, I promise to limit those retail therapy trips… You hear that, Husband?

I just think if I can go to bed at night knowing that I was genuinely happy-- even if just for a few minutes-- then I will know that day meant something and is one more step on my Happiness Journey.

Anyways, 

Thanks for listening. 

I promise to keep you all updated on my progress as the year goes on. 

I will likely have to come back to this post multiple times to remind myself of exactly what I promised to do but hopefully my loving friends, family and blog readers will hold me accountable. Just not TOO accountable, okay? I am human. Although I do have the hair of a goddess.

With Love, 

J.

2014: A Year in Review

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Holiday Delay

Call me what you want.
Lazy.
Flaky.
Spacey.
Kevin Spacey.

But… my unfortunate delay in posting the past week is simple and clear…
I was drunk.

(Hahaha just kidding.)

The Holidays get me every year.
That's why I send out my Christmas cards at the end of November and my Thank You notes NEVER get out before mid-January.
Its like a big party followed by one massive hangover.

Let me explain...

First, there is the early December drag:

This occurs the first week or so of December, when things at work start to slow down. 

The Type-A people around the world use this slow-down to get a head-start: 

These are the people who actually went shopping on Thanksgiving AND Black Friday. They buy all of their presents early so they can be wrapped under the tree for no less than 5 weeks. 

Speaking of trees....yes! There is already a tree! Its been in the living room since the weekend after Thanksgiving (sometimes earlier). It was decorated in less than 24 hours and there is "greenery" placed on any and every flat surface in your home that isn't moving. They probably even tackled the outdoor lights because heaven forbid your home doesn't look like a Christmas tree on the inside AND outside!

My life doesn't usually go this way.... Shocker...We usually end up buying a tree about 2 weeks into December. My husband insists on getting a live one. Yipee!... (please note my sarcasm...)
It takes us usually about 12 days to finish the tree...
That includes the 2-3 days it takes my husband to move the tree inside (Last year he left it outside so long it died... we had to get a 2nd tree. Yipee!)... Then 3 days later we put lights up.... 2 days later I put the ribbon on it... and 3 days after that we finally get around to hanging ornaments.
And yes, world. I wrap all of my presents on Christmas Eve.
"Why?"
Because I generally don't buy them until the day before Christmas Eve.
Don't hate. I'm a procrastinator when it comes to shopping. Like... if it were acceptable... everyone would get their gifts from me in January. Or February. Or for their birthday....

Second, there is the ACTUAL Holiday:

From about December 20th on... don't count on anything being simple, fast or easy. Because guess what?--- the ENTIRE WORLD (or country... or whatever) has checked out! 

Don't get me wrong--- they are usually still running around like chickens with their heads cut off... but they aren't busy with work... nope. 

They are running errands, cleaning their house for company, cleaning their cars for road trips, getting gas, running to-and-from the grocery store... every.single.day.

But... The "Holiday Season" has begun and that means the entire world has basically hit the slow motion video button on my iPhone. 

Like it is impossible for people to put out any more energy until the New Year... 

when apparently a magic reset button makes everyone happy, healthy and productive again.

Third, The First Stage of the Holiday Hangover:

This is a big one. On December 25th-- at about 4:00 pm-- when the family is gone and the food has been devoured... There is this creepy calm. And then... BOOM! Hangover.

Not only do you have to clean 100000000000 dishes from Christmas brunch/lunch/dinner but you have to clean up the living room-- which has now become a graveyard for wrapping paper, boxes and gift packaging. It is everywhere. 

THEN you have to figure out where to put all this SHIT. (We literally have an entire Babies-R-Us aisle in our living room... and I'm actually running out of space in CD's closet. And it is bigger than mine!) 

If you manage to finish all of this before December 26th... you're lucky.

But then comes the really sucky part....

Having to go back to work and return to your normal -- once productive--- life for 3-4 days.

Are you serious!?!? 

I just spent 4 days in my pajamas opening presents, drinking, and eating a disgusting (I mean appalling) amount of food. And NOW you expect me to put back on my work clothes that no longer fit (thank GOD for Maternity pants!!) and sit at my office pretending to do work for 3-4 days ... Just so I can do it all over again on New Year's.

The Answer is NO!

Finally, New Year & New You:

Whether you "work" on New Year's Eve or not--- once 5:00pm hits its like you just got out of school for summer. Time to get all "dolled-up" and hit the town with your besties.

OR... in parent world... 

You cook dinner, go about your normal nightly routine -- praying the baby doesn't stay up past her bedtime-- and then you fall asleep on your couch holding a glass of champagne, wearing some ridiculous hat -- because you and your "significant other" pretended you were going to stay up until the ball drops. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Once the house is quiet and the baby is asleep its only a matter of time til my eyelids drop. permanently.

Then... you wake up feeling either ACTUALLY hungover... or somehow refreshed and renewed. Like your body and mind somehow reset and you're a new person.

NEWSFLASH. You are unfortunately still the same person you were 8 hours ago. Nothing changed. There is no magic "New Year" reset. The only thing that changed is possibly your blood alcohol level. Sorry to break it to you.

The celebrating is over. 

No more paid Holidays at work until Memorial Day. (which is in May... are you depressed now?)

Well since you're already depressed.... 

Now its time to make unrealistic goals for yourself for the new year. 

"Why?" -- you ask

Well because you don't feel bad enough about yourself... why not sit around for a few days examining ALL of your flaws and try to find ways to improve yourself. 

"It worked out SO WELL for you last year didn't it?" 

Wait... your resolution last year was to quit drinking, smoking, and lose 25 lbs-- and you didn't do it? Well at least you have THIS YEAR to let yourself down again.

I'm a little more realistic with my goals for 2015:

1) Don't Die. 

2) Keep my child alive and in one piece. 

Done! 

- I'm not going to lose weight ... so why lie to myself? Its actually more likely that I'm going to gain weight. Eh. I like to eat.

- I'm not going to join a gym and get healthy because ... I'm broke. 

- I'm not going to quit drinking because I like it...

and because my friends are really good at peer pressure so it wouldn't last more than 3 days. 

(Why 3 days, you ask? because all of my (and my husband's) college friends are coming into town for a post-New Year's/Birthday party Downtown and I already promised to quote, "pop bottles" The babysitter is already lined up so this is officially Mama's First (full)Night Out since CD was born. I'm already planning on throwing up somewhere public! Happy Birthday, G! )

And why is it that everyone waits until New Year to make a change?

Find the thing that makes you happy and DO IT!

If you hate your job, find a new one.

If you're overweight or just unhappy with your body quit eating junk. (easier said than done, I know)

Don't wait until the New Year to make things better for you and your loved ones.

Just DO IT!

It is simple.

A New Year is just a perfect opportunity to make those changes-- but it doesn't matter if you start on a Monday, the 1st of the Month or even TOMORROW. 

Sit down and find out what is going to make you a happier person. Then go DO IT.

Simple. and Sweet.

Oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 

With Love, 

J.